The Metatinator

Greetings MechWarrior! Are you tired of getting hit by enemies every time you expose yourself? Are you still longing for the old days of poptarting when you could dump ridiculous alphas repeatedly without even getting your 'Mech scratched? Then we have just the 'Mech for you.

Our metacraft industries have been prototyping this baby to be the ultimate MWO meta 'Mech. It has all the features to please both the competitive community and your average solo queue guy. Here are its amazing main features:

  • Two vertically attached arm units to ensure you NEVER expose yourself. Simply park yourself behind a rock and enjoy blasting idiots running around in the open pro MLG style! Each arm has 1B+3E hardpoints to ensure you can still be effective in every meta in the future!
  • A Raks Industries™ armored and highly durable telescopic camera unit to ensure your viewpoint is up above, right beside the arm weapons! The camera unit also houses a thermal imaging equipment that is identical to the first heat vision in MWO!
  • Torso mounted 6xM hardpoints to please your average LRM boat guy!
  • A DingleBerry Industries Collimator C-ERPPC is also included inside the dong unit for self defense.
  • And of course it comes with six jump jets!
  • The 'Mech is comes with Clan technology and weighs 90 tons with both endo and ferro equipped. ECM and quadruple AMS is also available!

We'll be taking pre-orders soon, so don't be late! As an early-adopter you'll get "LOCK TARGETS FOR LRMZ PLEASE" and "OMG TEAM YOU SUCK I CAN'T CARRY HARDER" warhorns which are manually toglleable for your own convenience along with an Machine Gun Range 5 module which is 3.000.000 C-Bills in value!

Pre-order begins tomorrow and the whole pack will cost 360$ because fuck you, we know it'll be good. C-Bill release will be 2 years after'Mech delivery.

/end passive aggressive
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About Rak

I'm an engineer who likes to write extremely long articles about games that border simulation and mainstream.
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